Ode to the Township Newspaper Sitting at the Edge of My Driveway for 4 Days

Woe to those who scribble stories.
Woe to those who jot
Regarding WPIAL Swim meet schedules.
You do this all for naught. 
Despite your best efforts
to bring good local news to me,
I can’t bring myself to read you
So you’ll languish endlessly
At the edge of my driveway
Where you were tossed on Wednesday morn.
And you lay there still on Friday.
What have you done to earn my scorn?
You say Bethel Park Library
Will have an E-Recycling day.
You say there’ll be a clothing drive
For the Bridgeville Rotary.
Your pages are filled with good news
And wholesome gardening tips.
And when the Mt. Lebo School Board meets
And how some third-graders watched an eclipse.
I’m addicted to doom-scrolling on Reddit
And I know they tell me lies.
But even still…
You’ll grow soggy on my driveway
Until garbage day arrives.

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