Ode to the Township Newspaper Sitting at the Edge of My Driveway for 4 Days Posted on April 2 by Pittsburgh Comedian Jeff Konkle Woe to those who scribble stories.Woe to those who jotRegarding WPIAL Swim meet schedules.You do this all for naught. Despite your best effortsto bring good local news to me,I can’t bring myself to read youSo you’ll languish endlessly At the edge of my drivewayWhere you were tossed on Wednesday morn.And you lay there still on Friday.What have you done to earn my scorn? You say Bethel Park LibraryWill have an E-Recycling day.You say there’ll be a clothing driveFor the Bridgeville Rotary. Your pages are filled with good newsAnd wholesome gardening tips.And when the Mt. Lebo School Board meetsAnd how some third-graders watched an eclipse. I’m addicted to doom-scrolling on RedditAnd I know they tell me lies. But even still… You’ll grow soggy on my drivewayUntil garbage day arrives.