I Tried the “Hungry Caterpillar Cleanse” and You Won’t Believe the Results!

If you all haven’t heard of the “Hungry Caterpillar Cleanse”, it’s been really sweeping the internet lately.  Fitness enthusiasts from Melissa Barkov to diet guru Tanya Ellsworth-Browning have been raving about it.  So what is this craze all about anyway?

The cleanse closely follows the food consumed in Eric Carle’s “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” by its titular character.  It is heavily-fruit based but it last only a week.  The idea is that anyone can turn from a fat caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly.  I needed to lose a few pounds before my friends wedding so I thought I’d give it a try.  Here was my diet for an entire week:

Monday: One (1) Apple.  It seems extreme to start off with, but it wouldn’t be a cleanse without some discomfort.

Tuesday: Two (2) Pears.  It wasn’t so bad if you space out the pears to keep your blood sugar somewhat high.  They must be Bartlett Pears IMO.

Wednesday: Three (3) Plums.  At this point, the third plum seems like you are really gorging yourself.  And by the way, the pounds are just melting off at this point!  It seemed to be really working.  I collapsed only three times this day.

Thursday: Four (4) Strawberries.  Who doesn’t love these?

Friday: Five (5) Oranges.  They suggest you eat all five oranges in one sitting.  This was tough.  Lots of mouth sores.

Saturday: CHEAT DAY!!!   You’re allowed to eat basically anything but the strictest adherents like to play by the book.  They eat and one piece of chocolate cake, one ice cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss Cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake and a slice of watermelon.

Sunday: Now for the full cleanse.  You are only instructed to eat one green leaf.  This one is tough, especially after all that binging!

I didn’t feel really like a butterfly at this point.  I was pretty tired after this whole ordeal so on Sunday night I crawled into bed and wrapped myself up tight.  I quickly molted off my layers of skin and revealed pure, raw muscle underneath.  Soon, just like a caterpillar, my body released digestive enzymes within my gut to liquify my entire body.   So there I was, laying in bed, basically a big puddle of protein rich slime.

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Here’s me, getting some fresh air on my daily walk. I’d lost nearly all of my bone density and cell integrity, getting my to my goal weight and then some.

I’d say my rating of this diet really depends on me being able to will my body into the rapid cell division required to re-form my internal organs, bones, lymphatic system, GI tract, genitals, etc.  There doesn’t seem to be much direction on exactly how to reassemble myself into the “new me” from the proponents of the cleanse.

So that’s kind of where we’re at now…

C-

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