Local Man’s Right Hand Tired of Unequal Distribution of Grocery Bags


Champaign, IL – Resident Steve DuBrook’s right hand has finally had enough.  After years of being saddled with carrying the majority of the grocery bags into the house from the car, his right hand is finally speaking up.  “I feel as though I’m being taken advantage of at this point,” the hand said.  “I understand that I’m stronger than my counterpart, but at some point it becomes ridiculous.”

According to sources the final straw came on a recent trip to Kroger were Steve used his right hand to carry eight grocery bags into the house from the car, while the left hand only had to carry two.  “And my load included a full cantaloupe and some cans of spaghetti sauce.  Lefty had the English Muffins and I think some deodorant.”  According to the right hand’s own personal log of grocery trips, he believes he carries on average a lopsided ratio of at least 4:1 bags.

However, DuBrook’s left-hand is not backing down from the criticism.  “There’s a lot of complaining going on from the Right-Hand camp over workload, but I ask this: How many front doors has he opened?  How many light switches has he flicked with the back of his knuckle?  How many car keys has he retrieved while reaching across the body and into the opposite pants pocket?  There is a division of labor that we all accept and you don’t hear anyone else complaining about it.”