Study: 98% of Tiny House Purchases End in Murder-Suicide

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Kansas City, KS – A trend in the American housing market may have grave implications according to a study from the University of Kansas Medical Center.  “We found that a vast, vast majority of people buying tiny houses either commit murder, commit suicide or commit both within the first 7 weeks of living in their new residence,” said lead researcher Derek Paulson.

Tiny houses have become a movement for home-buying Americans, especially with millennials who are rejecting the broad commercialism of their parents.  However, the attractiveness of a low mortgage payment and simplified living does not apparently outweigh the fact that trying to jam a family into a 200 sq. ft. home is a recipe for grim death.

In July, Sarah Patterson of Overland Park was sentenced to life in prison only 3 weeks after purchasing a Tiny House for her husband and teenage daughter.  As this study might have predicted, Patterson murdered both members of her family in cold blood.  “There were just never enough plugs for everyone,” she said in a telephone interview.  “It got old real quick.”

Life isn’t all bad for Patterson now that she resides in Douglas County Prison.  “They put me in solitary confinement and it was quite the upgrade.  I didn’t know what to do with all that space!”

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