If You Can’t Find This Buried Treasure, Then Your Junior Year Was a Complete Waste of Both of Our Time.

Well Kyle I think we both know why I called you into the office so if you don’t mind I’m just going to jump right into it.  I know I’m the principal at this school and you’re probably going to roll your eyes at whatever I say here.  But I want you to know that I have your best interest at heart.  It’s my job to make sure you are on the right path and I think you know that deep down.

That being said, you’re not even close to finding the treasure anymore.

I know you’re 17 and you probably think you’re right about everything.  But I’m here to tell you that you are way off on the treasure thing.  You’re not even close anymore.  You were back in May after you solved that cryptogram underneath the overpass, but you’ve been absolutely blowing it ever since.  I don’t know if all the homework and baseball practice is finally starting to catch up with you but you’ve taken your eyes off the prize: a steamer trunk full of Spanish Gold bullion and ancient jade statues.

Part of it is that I want to be sure that this school has done its job educating you.  I mean, if you can’t use a sextant to find the angular distance between the North Star and the coordinates of the treasure then I honestly have to ask myself if we, as educators, have done enough for the student body.   I’m sure you’ve read in the paper about how our Way-Finding curriculum is getting cut out because of the state budget.  With Trump in office and this Betsy DeVos character, I’m sure our Cartography club is going to suffer too.

But god damn it you were close.  You were warm.  Warmer than hell.  Didn’t I tell you that?  I kept saying how warm you were right around May.   Remember that?  But you kept making mistakes.  And now, you’re ice cold.

Sure.  I could just tell you where it is, but that’s not my job as your principal.  My job is to mold young people into young adults.  My job is to prepare you for the real world.  And in the real world, you’re not just going to get a ancient oaken chest filled to the brim with ancient gems and priceless metals handed to you.  You gotta work for it.  Remember your SAT’s?  Remember how hard you thought that was?  Well you worked of it and now you’re going to Pitt Greensburg, right?  This is the same thing except instead of memorizing analogies, you have to potentially fend off Yemeni pirates.  It’ll be hard work, but I think you can do it.

I believe in you.  Now go.  When the moon is in the fifth phase, the light will show you the way.  And you’re wasting time.

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