Harvard, CT – A study from Harvard Medical Center shows an alarming trend in male biology. Experts have long believed that the average US male has lost his musk over the past decade, but there was never a study large enough to validate the theory.
“We can confirm based off empirical evidence, that American men are losing their tang, their odor, their bouquet,” said Dr. Jacqueline Mastesa. “It is an alarming trend that is on the verge of being a national crisis.”
The longitudinal study collected data from test subjects over the past 11 years. In that period, the average man lost 35% of his musk. Musk is an vital feature of human physiology. The aroma interferes with a female’s olfactory senses, thus preventing them from being absolutely revolted by a man’s sweaty, hairy, disgusting body. It is therefore critical to reproduction and the propagation of the human species.
Some theories as to the cause of the loss of male pungency range from the rise of sedentary work environments, to different food additives, to the release of James Blunt’s hit 2006 song “You’re Beautiful” . However, there is no medical consensus. “We feel that this study validates our concerns,” said Dr. Mastesa. “We can now move forward in the hopes that we can one day restore men’s base-line stank to at least 1980’s levels.”