Josef Mengele’s Original Thesis Review


In 1938 a young Josef Mengele earned his medical degree from Frankfurt University.  As all doctoral candidates must do, he had to defend a thesis.  

Professor #1: Guten Abend Herr Mengele.  Myself and the rest of the board are excited to review your thesis.  You’ve been an exceptional student thus far and I have no doubt that your scholastic insights will be well presented.

Josef Mengele: You speak such kind words Professor.  Thank you for them.  As you remember, I have studied genetics at length.

Professor #2: Yes.  Your work on the genetics of cleft palates has been exemplary.

Josef Mengele: I chose to go a different route for my doctoral dissertation.  I didn’t want to be a one trick pony, so to speak.  I instead shifted to physiology.  I have titled my thesis: Inducing Gangrene Through Metallic Compression Clamps on Live Human Subjects.

Professor #1: Uh…I must have misheard you Herr Mengele.

Josef Mengele: Yes, and the findings that I had were quite revolutionary.  My thesis looked to prove the theory that if you put people’s arms in steel vices, they will turn gangrene and rot.

Professor #1: Hold up…wait, back up…are you serious with that thesis?  Live human subjects?

Josef Mengele: What’s the problem?

Professor #2: Where did you even get live human subjects from?

Josef Mengele: I have a guy.

Professor #1: You have a guy?

Josef Mengele: Yes.

Professor #1: You have a guy who can get you live human subjects to experiment on?

Josef Mengele: Yes.  Doesn’t everyone?

Professor #1: I think we need to adjourn this immediately.  I’m seeing some major red flags here.  If you see something, say something.  Well I’m seeing something right here.  You’re a sick little puppy.  Well, good thing there’s no room for twisted freaks like you here in the science community in Germany.

Professor #2: Now, now.  Let’s not be hasty.  Let’s hear the lad out.  In science they always say, you can’t make a Kartoffelpfannkuchen with out breaking a few eggs.  I’m curious about the results.

Professor #1:  You’re becoming more curious about how wrenching a living person’s arm in a steel vice will affect the development of gangrene causing their arm to rot?

Professor #2: You’re not?

Professor #1: Ok, time to move to Poland.

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