Josef Mengele’s Original Thesis Review
In 1938 a young Josef Mengele earned his medical degree from Frankfurt University. As all doctoral candidates must do, he had to defend a thesis.
Professor #1: Guten Abend Herr Mengele. Myself and the rest of the board are excited to review your thesis. You’ve been an exceptional student thus far and I have no doubt that your scholastic insights will be well presented.
Josef Mengele: You speak such kind words Professor. Thank you for them. As you remember, I have studied genetics at length.
Professor #2: Yes. Your work on the genetics of cleft palates has been exemplary.
Josef Mengele: I chose to go a different route for my doctoral dissertation. I didn’t want to be a one trick pony, so to speak. I instead shifted to physiology. I have titled my thesis: Inducing Gangrene Through Metallic Compression Clamps on Live Human Subjects.
Professor #1: Uh…I must have misheard you Herr Mengele.
Josef Mengele: Yes, and the findings that I had were quite revolutionary. My thesis looked to prove the theory that if you put people’s arms in steel vices, they will turn gangrene and rot.
Professor #1: Hold up…wait, back up…are you serious with that thesis? Live human subjects?
Josef Mengele: What’s the problem?
Professor #2: Where did you even get live human subjects from?
Josef Mengele: I have a guy.
Professor #1: You have a guy?
Josef Mengele: Yes.
Professor #1: You have a guy who can get you live human subjects to experiment on?
Josef Mengele: Yes. Doesn’t everyone?
Professor #1: I think we need to adjourn this immediately. I’m seeing some major red flags here. If you see something, say something. Well I’m seeing something right here. You’re a sick little puppy. Well, good thing there’s no room for twisted freaks like you here in the science community in Germany.
Professor #2: Now, now. Let’s not be hasty. Let’s hear the lad out. In science they always say, you can’t make a Kartoffelpfannkuchen with out breaking a few eggs. I’m curious about the results.
Professor #1: You’re becoming more curious about how wrenching a living person’s arm in a steel vice will affect the development of gangrene causing their arm to rot?
Professor #2: You’re not?
Professor #1: Ok, time to move to Poland.