Is it Garbage Day Today?

Hey Neighbor!  How’s it going?  Crazy weather we’re having lately.  It was like 14 degrees yesterday now it’s all sunny.  Yeah I’m one of those old fogeies that still gets the actual print newspaper.  I don’t know.  I guess because I like the feel and the smell.  Newspaper has a smell.  Yes huh it does.  Well, I couldn’t describe what it smells like exactly.  I guess it just smells like newspaper.

Hey I noticed that you put your garbage cans out yesterday morning.  I saw it when I was driving home.   I’m not trying to be a stickler or anything but you know the municipality has some pretty strict ordinances on when you can put those out.  Well, yours were out at least 24 hours before scheduled pick up.  Yes they were.  They were!  I saw them with my own two eyes.  Why are you getting this upset when you haven’t even heard what I’ve got to say?

What I have to say is this: I’m going to turn you into the police for putting your garbage cans out early.  Yeah, well you can throw your hands up all you want.  I’m still going to do it.  There you go getting defensive again.  That ordinance is there so people don’t just throw trash out at the curb all willy-nilly.  Because.  Because then it would look like a trailer-park and there’d probably be garbage cans rolling around the street all day which is just a hazard to everyone.  The raccoons would have a field day.  But you’d probably enjoy that, wouldn’t you?  I knew you were on their side from day one.

You know it’d be nice for someone to just own up to a mistake instead of getting all defensive like you are.  But that’s America now, right?  Everyone gets a trophy.  Oh please.  That?  That was nothing.  I’m not apologizing because I didn’t do anything wrong in that instance.  If you called the police on me for that they’d totally brush it off.  There’s nothing illegal about that that I’ve seen.  Where does it say that?  Oh so you’re saying that there is some ordinance that says I couldn’t make my own formaldehyde in my garage?  I haven’t seen it.  And even if there was one, which there isn’t, it’s not like I sold it.  Yeah, it was for my own personal use.  Yes it was.  It doesn’t count as a zoning infraction if you aren’t running a business and like I said, I didn’t sell it or anything.  None of your business why I needed so much!  I don’t ask you why you leave your garbage out two days in advance.  It did not “stink up the whole neighborhood” as you put it.  Formaldehyde doesn’t smell at all.  It doesn’t.  Well then google it.  Google “smell” and “formaldehyde” and I’ll bet you come up with zero results.

What do you mean you haven’t “seen my mother around in a while.”  What is that supposed to mean?  She’s been busy at work.  At the store.  The clothes store.  That is too where she works.

You know this neighborhood is really falling apart.  Just please, keep your garbage away from the curb until the time frame specified by the ordinance, ok?



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