Total Jokes 10/3

After outbreaks of E.coli, Chipotle is trying to bring back customers by introducing chorizo.  Unfortunately, chorizo is not Spanish for “a strict employee hand washing policy.”

A salesman at Party City reportedly refused to fill a customer’s orders for balloons after he found out they would be used at a police officer’s funeral.  Attendees of the funeral agreed that, without the balloons, it was the least fun police officer’s funeral they’d ever been to.

A Montana man is in the hospital after surviving two different bear attacks while hiking over the weekend.   It was a close call for Tim “Honeypants” Thompson.

Police arrested two Oakland Raiders fans on Sunday after the men brutally assaulted a Baltimore Ravens fan, beating him nearly to death and leaving him in a coma.  Doctors say that because of excessive brain bleeding, the man has less than a 30% chance to live.  Luckily, the men were able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Raiders are indeed, number 1.

A new Cannabis-infused beer will hit shelves later this year.  The beer will be called “Drained Ambition Amber Bock.”

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