After outbreaks of E.coli, Chipotle is trying to bring back customers by introducing chorizo. Unfortunately, chorizo is not Spanish for “a strict employee hand washing policy.”
A salesman at Party City reportedly refused to fill a customer’s orders for balloons after he found out they would be used at a police officer’s funeral. Attendees of the funeral agreed that, without the balloons, it was the least fun police officer’s funeral they’d ever been to.
A Montana man is in the hospital after surviving two different bear attacks while hiking over the weekend. It was a close call for Tim “Honeypants” Thompson.
Police arrested two Oakland Raiders fans on Sunday after the men brutally assaulted a Baltimore Ravens fan, beating him nearly to death and leaving him in a coma. Doctors say that because of excessive brain bleeding, the man has less than a 30% chance to live. Luckily, the men were able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Raiders are indeed, number 1.
A new Cannabis-infused beer will hit shelves later this year. The beer will be called “Drained Ambition Amber Bock.”