Astoria, WA – After only spending a month in the waters of the Pacific Ocean, recently freed killer whale, Kikau, pleaded with Sea World administrators to let him back into the aquatic zoo.
“I swear to God, please take me back. It’s is awful out here!” Kikau wailed. “I know I complained a lot about there not being enough room in the main tank and about the sardines not being that fresh and the fact that my dorsal fin curled over from depression, but Jesus, sweet Jesus you’ve got to get me out of this ocean!”
Ever since the documentary Blackfish began earning notoriety, zoos and aquariums across the globe have faced mounting pressures from the public urging them to release their aquatic wildlife. To pacify activists, Sea World conceded to these pressures and, Kikau was released from Sea World in late-August.
“Those idiots have never swam in the Pacific Ocean at night,” Kikau bellowed. “It’s terrifying and cold and the other whales eat all of my food and there is something slimy and gross always brushing up against me.”