Study: Scalping a Bitter Enemy Still Best Treatment for Low Testosterone

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Chicago, IL- A research team at Northwestern’s Feinberg School of Medicine have made an apparent breakthrough in the battle against low testosterone.  A study consisting of 244 men, ages 22-58, suffering from low testosterone found that their T levels went up significantly after subduing and scalping a hated rival.  The test, conducted over the course of several months, found that test subjects experienced a 44% boost in free testosterone after conquering an enemy and peeling off the top layer of their head skin with a tomahawk or other carving instrument.

“The implications of this study are vast,” said Dr. Adolpho Kinzateri, Head of Research at the Low T Institute in St. Louis.  “We are in the middle of an epidemic of middle aged men who don’t feel their best.  Their energy is down and their libido is suffering.  If these men could just set aside some time to flay the connective tissue between their adversary’s hair and skull once or twice a day, they would see an improvement in their condition.”

If participants wore headgear or cranefeathers or rawhide helmets that bore the horns of bull or buffalo like some Goblin from a hell more horrible yet than the brimstone land of Christian reckoning, participants saw an even better improvement.

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