Total Jokes: 7/5

  • Yesterday was the Fourth of July, a day where Americans light fireworks to celebrate their independence.  Today is the Fifth of July, a day where Americans try to coax their dogs out from underneath the basement stairs.


  • PBS viewers are angry after the station aired a recording of last years’ Washington D.C. fireworks display.  This marks the first time PBS viewers have been angry.
  • FBI Director James Comey said that he would not recommend charges against Hillary Clinton over her use of private email servers.  Clinton is reportedly relieved that she can continue on with her campaign and release Comey’s family unharmed.


  • Ashley Madison, the dating website for cheaters, has admitted that some women on its site are virtual computer programs instead of real women.  Coincidentally, most of the husbands using Ashley Madison to cheat on their wives aren’t real men either.
  • Army veteran Jason Galvin successfully freed an endangered eagle that was stuck upside-down in a tree by shooting the branch it was caught on.  Unfortunately, the EPA will be pressing charges against Galvin for damaging the even more endangered Venus Eagle Trap.
  • Computer Giant Microsoft is attempting to fight the Zika virus by developing a new way to catch mosquitoes.  If there is one company that understands the behavior of irritating pests…

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