A Stomach’s Frank Conversation with Mountain Dew: KICKSTART
“Dew. Juice. Electrolytes. Mountain Dew: KICKSTART is three awesome things combined. When the day is ending, you’re just getting started. It’s the great tasting kick when you need it most. “
Stomach: Dew, I don’t mean to offend you but I’d like to speak directly to Juice and Electrolytes.
Dew: Whatever man.
Stomach: Juice, I just feel like I don’t even know you anymore. You’re hanging out with the wrong crowd. It’s bad enough that you snuck alcohol in here last weekend. But now you’re coming in here with this character.
Dew: Hey man. I have a name!
Stomach: You’re bad news Dew. And I don’t want you hanging out with Juice or Electrolytes anymore.
Electrolytes: You can’t talk to our friend like that.
Juice: You of all people have a few too many “friends” for my liking, Electrolytes. You’re just hooking up with anybody now. Gatorade. PediaLyte. Vitamin Water. And now you’re with the worst of the worst.
Dew: Cool out bro!
Stomach: I will not cool out! Last week you were in here, you burnt through my lining and tried to give us diabetes. Is that…is that Yellow 5 behind your back?
Stomach: Yes it is! I told you I don’t want that in my house. Do whatever you want on your own time, but you’re not ruining my sweet babies. I want you to get out of here!
Dew: That’s cool. I’ll be fine man. Just know that I’ll be back. I’ll be back when you can’t find a coffee, or are on a long road trip, or just get real nostalgic during the Fourth of July. I’ll be back.
Juice: I can’t believe you talked like that to our friend!
Electrolytes: We HATE you!
Juice and Electrolytes run off to the small intestine to have their nutrients absorbed.
Stomach: One day you’ll understand…