Total Jokes 2/23


  • The owners of the Chicago Cubs have reportedly contributed $3 million dollars to a Super PAC dedicated to defeating Donald Trump in the Presidential Election.  Finally, Trump can call an opponent a “loser” and be 100% historically accurate.
    • Trump has stated that his new top priority as President of The United States will be deporting pitcher Jake Arrieta.
  • A new report shows that drinking coffee can reverse the damage done to your body from heavy drinking.  With this information, Budweiser is proud to announce its latest product: Bud Light Blonde Roast.
  • A man and woman exchanged wedding vows while underwater in a 6.3 million gallon tank at the Georgia Aquarium.  Usually it takes married couples several years to feel like they’re drowning.
  • Ted Cruz has fired a campaign spokesman after he spread false rumors about Marco Rubio on social media.  Cruz said that he will also re-evaluate whether or not his campaign should continue using TMZ as a temp agency.


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