New Encyclopedia Entries: 2/3

Airplane – Complex instrument used by scientists to test the limits of the human immune system.  Airplanes are large aluminum containers which are stuffed with hundreds of people then pumped full of recycled air, teeming with germs and air-borne fecal matter, in the hopes of seeing just how much a person’s body can take without becoming violently ill.  The container is then launched several thousand feet in the air to avoid any ground contamination while experimentation is conducted.
Fedora – Type of men’s hat that you couldn’t pull off in a million years.

Dementia – Necissary mental condition brought on in late-stage adulthood that allows people to face their impending demise in a fragmented, dreamlike state,  rather than peering into the void with terrifying mental clarity.

Necktie – Formal cloth fashion accessory worn by a man to cover his torso seam.

Pittsburgh Penguins, The – Professional sports team which needs to pick up a winger in the offseason.  Owned principally by Ron Burkel and Mario Lemieux, the Penguins are consitently short a scoring left wing and this Hornquist guy… I mean I like his effort, but he just can’t put the puck in the net.  

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