New Encyclopedia Entries 1/18

Architecture – Something people lie about appreciating (See: JAZZ, SOCCER, INDIA PALE ALE, FRASIER, SESAME SEED BAGELS).

Tap Dancing –  Type of dance style whereby the dancer strikes the ground with special shoes in order to communicate via Morse Code with the Devil.  Famous tap dancers include Fred Astaire, Savion Glover and Bill “Bojangles” Robinson, whose February 12th, 1914 performance at the Bijou Theater in Brooklyn, gave Lucifer just enough information to get the wheels turning on World War I.


Savion Glover, attempting to summon His Dark Majesty in 2003.


Stan – Probably Eminem’s best song.  Top 5 at least.

Camping Tent – Lightweight, portable trap used by bears to catch human prey in the forest.  Typically comprised of a moisture-proof fabric like nylon or polyester, tents also serve the additional function of keeping people-meat fresh for several days.  With their unique zippering action, tents allow bears to keep man-flesh from both spoilage and freezer burn.

Headphones – Pair of electronic listening devices worn in or around bus stops which allow users to rap loudly to themselves without social consequence.

National Security Agency – An intelligence arm of the United States government that, despite being known for using warrant-less data capture techniques on both foreign and domestic citizens, is really a top-notch organization in pretty much every other way.  The NSA has been criticized for monitoring, collecting and analyzing the data of law-abiding Americans.  But they can’t be criticized for having a clear mission statement, an engaged workforce, and a lot of opportunities for new training.  Opponents of mass data collection point out the NSA’s clear violations of constitutional rights, but will admit that the NSA does have great medical benefits and a lot of good options in most of the vending machines.



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