Total Jokes 12/29

  • Rapper Fabolous gave his 7-year-old son, Johan, two blinged-out Rolex watches totaling $34,000.  The watches will be useful when Johan wants to learn about time, like the time his dad blew his college savings fund.

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  • A new report says that Kylie Jenner holds the record this year for likes on Instagram with over 1 billion.  When friends told Jenner that she had so many likes that she’d never be able to count them all, she replied “Wow!   I’ve got 7?”
  • In Washington State, a glitch in a prison computer system has allowed over 3,200 inmates to be released early.  See?  This is what happens when you hire The Joker to be your IT guy.  
  • Ex-New York Governor George Pataki has withdrawn from the 2016 Presidential Race.  In related news, George Pataki was apparently part of the 2016 Presidential Race.  
  • In Illinois, emergency workers spent several hours rescuing a cat who was stuck in a pipe drain.  The cat thanked the workers for their efforts by looking at them briefly then running underneath the ottoman.  

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