Total Jokes: 12/17

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  • In Houston, a man shut down a major highway so he could propose to his girlfriend.  Enraged motorists were happy to show the man the finger next to the one the engagement ring goes on.  
  • A new study shows that sleeping with a dog is a good way to get a more secure and relaxed rest.  The same study showed that sleeping with a cat is a good way to get scratch marks on your feet.  
  • A group of pigeons attracted to the warmth of grow lights in a drug dealers house inadvertently helped police in the UK find $70,000 of illegal marijuana.  Apparently, they were stool pigeons.    
  • Martin Shkreli, a pharmaceutical industry entrepreneur previously criticized for raising the price of life-saving drugs, was arrested early Thursday on securities fraud charges.  The Judge originally set his bail at $130,000 but then jacked it up to $72,000,000 for no reason.  
  • Russian President Vladimir Putin said recently that Donald Trump is the “absolute leader in the presidential race” adding that he is “a bright and talented person.”  Putin then suppressed a laugh and said, “You guys should definitely elect him.”

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