Hell to Be Closed from 10:00 PM to 6 AM for Routine Maintenance

(Hades) – On Saturday evening to Sunday morning, Sept. 19, Hell will be closed to in-bound traffic.  The closures will give maintenance crews the space needed to safely perform routine work on the exhaust fans in the 4th circle and are scheduled to begin after the endless, desolate twilight (approx. 10 P.M.).  Sinners can expect delays and are urged to find alternate routes to the frozen lake of blood and guilt.    Satan asks the immoral, the liars, murderers, secular politicians, covetous blasphemers and formless false deities to pass with caution through the work zone for their safety and the safety of their ghastly, wretched souls.

Work is scheduled to be finished and traffic restored around 6 a.m. Sunday morning afternoon or until the Universal Reconciliation, whichever occurs first.  Sinners may hear the frothy gurgling of the Sullen and Wrathful underneath the River Styx during this timeframe, but rest assured those noises are considered normal and expected during this type of work.

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