Here’s What Would Happen if You Were President

It’s your first day as President.  You’ve got a lot of big ideas, don’t you?  Let’s see how those are working out…

You: As my first order of business, I’d like to end the war in the Middle East.

Cabinet Member: Can’t.

You: Why?

Cabinet Member: I don’t know…it’s like, complicated.

You: Yeah I guess I should have known that.  Ok.  I’d like to break up some of the big banks so that they don’t like, screw everyone over.

Cabinet Member: Yeesh.  Think again.

You: No good?

Cabinet Member: No good.

You: Why no good?

Cabinet Member: Who’s going to do that?

You: I don’t know.  Don’t we have like a department that does that?

Cabinet Member: Nah.

You: Could we create one that does that?

Cabinet Member: You could, I guess.  But there’s like a ton of forms and then Congress, you know…

You: Hmm.  Yeah.

Cabinet Member: Next.

You: Um…there’s a lot of people in prison.

Cabinet Member: Uh-huh…

You: I was thinking…

Cabinet Member: Uh-huh…

You: Can we…release them or something?  Just the good ones though.

Cabinet Member: How can we tell the good from the bad?

You: Can’t we just interview them or something?

Cabinet Member: Seems like a lot of work.

You: Yeah, good point.


You: Can we assassinate someone?

Cabinet Member: Now you’re talking!

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