Total Jokes: 7/8/2015

  • President Obama today said that his new plan to combat ISIS is to “starve them of cash.”  Because no one hates being broke more than people who already live in caves.
  • In 2005, Bill Cosby admitted to purchasing illegal sedatives, ostensibly to slip in people’s drinks. Cosby will tell more about this during his interview on Jerry Seinfeld’s new web show: Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Securely Attached Lids.
  • Cosby stated that he never gave the drowsiness-inducing drugs to women but rather passed them along to friends.  Or as Cosby calls the Friends with Benadryls.
  • Luxury SUV company Landrover has come under fire after consumers discovered that their vehicles’ sunroofs were falling off while driving. An engineer for Landrover said “Hey, what do you expect for $80,000?”
  • Burt Shavitz, founder of Burt’s Bee’s Wax died this week.  The chapstick innovator will be laid to rest in the little crack between the console and the passenger’s side seat.

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