Minneapolis, MN – At approximately 4 PM today, father’s across America flocked to their basements after the History Channel began it’s 6 hour marathon of the mini-series “The Men Who Built America.” Citing the interesting historical context and the applicable lessons about life and business, dads from every corner of America turned the lights off in their respective game rooms and lay prone on the sectional, perhaps exhausted from moving 3 yards of mulch by themselves today.
“I called down to him twice to ask if he could change over the laundry,” said Danielle Kiper, whose husband was affected by the prolonged programming block which recaps the exploits of the nation’s most powerful businessmen. “But he just said ‘Huh?’ a bunch of times like he couldn’t hear me so I had to go down and do it myself.”
Fathers made sure to regale their children during dinner with facts about JP Morgan that were both interesting and historically inaccurate. “That’s when Morgan bought Exxon Mobile from Andrew Carnegie for $500 million,” said Pat Kleppenschmidt, father of three. “That’s around $8 trillion in today’s money. You could learn a lesson from that.” What that lesson is, the nation’s children are still unsure of.
The nation’s dads will cap off the night by trying to find their old Architecture textbook from junior year of college because they plan to read the whole thing cover to cover when they go to the beach in two weeks.