Report: Thankfully, All Residents of Whatever, USA to Be Chemically Sterilized

Whatever, USA – Bud Light is transforming another town into Whatever, USA by populating it with thousands of rambunctious, loud, beer-drinkers.  Thankfully this year, the beer giant is cooperating with the CIA’s Black Ops eugenics program to chemically sterilize all of the down-to-party millenials.

“We’re proud to finally be making a positive contribution to society as a whole,” said Pamela Ornduff, Sr. Director of Marketing at Anheuser Busch.  “By tainting our kegs with doses of cyproterone acetate, we hope to completely eliminate the sexual impulses of all ramped-up, beer-swilling, psychopaths that are attracted to this event.”

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