PA State Troopers: “Nothing Bad Will Happen To Fugitive If He Turns Himself In”

                                                             “Seriously, we’ll be chill man.”

After finding two pipebombs in the Pocono Mountains, presumably left by fugitive Eric Frein, PA State Troopers are again requesting that the suspect turn himself in.  “Listen, this would just be easier on everyone if he just stopped what he was doing and just came to his sense,” State police Lt. Col. George Bivens said.  “Nothing bad is going to happen to him.”

Frein is accused of murdering two officers before disappearing into the Pennsylvania woods.  Police have now been searching for the amateur survivalist for over three weeks and assure Frein that he will in no way be subject to a quick type of brutal justice.  “It’s not like when we locate your position we’re going to beat you within an inch of your life before dropping your broken and bloody body in front of a judge for a trial where you’ll almost certainly get the death penalty,” commented Biven.  “Once we find you, probably living beneath a rock overhang weakly sipping rain water from a ditch, we’re definitely not going to tazer you until your heart explodes or cave your face in with nightsticks.  So c’mon, just give it up already.”

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