“I Just Don’t Like Bethel Bakery’s Birthday Cakes” by My Wife

Oh!  Uh-uh.  We’re not getting a birthday cake from Bethel Bakery.  Because.  Because I don’t like it!  No.  No way.  Because it’s gross.  Don’t you think it’s gross?  I don’t know what’s gross about it.  It’s like too dry or something.  And the icing is too…sweet or it’s just weird.  I know icing is supposed to be sweet, but definitely not that sweet.  It’s too much.  Well, I shouldn’t have to scrape it off.  It should just be good to start with, then I wouldn’t need to scrape it off.

Listen, I know everyone in your family likes it but I’m not from the South Hills.  I didn’t grow up with Bethel Bakery so to me it’s like, “What’s the big deal?”  I actually like Giant Eagle’s cakes.  Because I do.  Because they’re normal.  They taste like how cake is supposed to taste.  You guys treat Bethel Bakery like is the biggest freaking deal in the world.  I could go to Giant Eagle, get a full sheet cake for half the price and it tastes better.

Now their cupcakes on the other hand, those I can deal with.  No, a cupcake is made from different batter.  Yes, it is.  Because.  Because I know.  I know Kira at work bakes a lot and she said so.  Actually come to think of it, I think I had a donut from there that was also pretty good. But it’s a donut!  You can’t really mess that up.  You know who else has great donuts?  Giant Eagle!  And you don’t have to wait in line for 45 minutes either.  You just walk right up and take the donuts out of the case and you’re on your way.

Now, I’ve heard that Bethel Bakery also has good wedding cakes.  No, that’s also a different batter and I think a different icing.  It’s like fondant icing or something.   Not that buttercream crap they use on the regular ones.  Yes, because you have to use fondant icing on cakes because it’s firmer and you can shape it easier. Because I know.  I was watching Bakery Rescue the other day and that’s what that old British lady said.  No, she’s British.  Because Irish people have a different accent.  Oh, like you know what an Irish accent sounds like?  She’s British.  I’m like 95% sure she’s British.

Anyway, are we going to the mall later?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s