Unemployment

 

 

 

 

The phone rings.

 

GREG ODEN’S KNEE:  Hello?

DERRICK ROSE’S KNEE: What’s up, man?  It’s Derrick Rose’s Knee.

GREG ODEN’S KNEE: Hey!  What’s up partna?

DERRICK ROSE’S KNEE:   The unemployment office gave me all this paperwork and I just wanted to see what all I needed to do.  Can you help me out?

GREG ODEN’S KNEE:  Sure thing!  I’ve been through this enough times.  First you need to fill out DD Form 214.  Were you on active duty in the U.S. military during the last two years or anything?

DERRICK ROSE’S KNEE: No.

GREG ODEN’S KNEE:  Aright.  Then you need to collect your pay stubs, W-2’s and all that stuff as proof of employment.  How much did you make last year?

DERRICK ROSE’S KNEE: Decent amount.

GREG ODEN’S KNEE:  Like how much?

DERRICK ROSE’S KNEE: Don’t worry about it.  I got that.  Damn, dude. This sucks.  I don’t want to be on unemployment.  I can work, I swear.  I don’t know what keeps happening.

GREG ODEN’S KNEE:  Hey, hey.  No need to blame yourself.  This is what the government is here for.  It’s a safety net.  Now the other thing you’ll need to bring into the office is a cancelled check so they can set up direct deposit.  Wait, can you hang on?  I’ve got another call.

DERRICK ROSE’S KNEE: Yeah, go ahead.

GREG ODEN’S KNEE: Hello?

KERRY WOOD’S SHOULDER:  Hey, it’s me!

GREG ODEN’S KNEE: What’s happening buddy?

KERRY WOOD’S SHOULDER:  Nothing, hey I know you’re busy but I just wanted to see if we were still on for cards on Saturday night.

GREG ODEN’S KNEE: Oh, most definitely.

KERRY WOOD’S SHOULDER:  Ok.  I was going to bring a new guy.  Do you know Eric Lindros’ Head?

GREG ODEN’S KNEE: Nah.

KERRY WOOD’S SHOULDER:  It’s ok.  He’s cool.  One of us for sure.

GREG ODEN’S KNEE: Awesome.  I’ll see you there.  Later.

GREG ODEN’S KNEE switches the phone back.

GREG ODEN’S KNEE: Sorry about that.  Now back to what we were talking about.  Just go down to the office with all that information and they’ll take care of you from there.  And remember, don’t worry about it!  It will all be ok.

DERRICK ROSE’S KNEE: Thanks for all the help.

GREG ODEN’S KNEE: No problem at all man.  Hey are you doing anything Saturday night?

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