Performance Conversation with A Passenger-Side Windshield Wiper

PASSENGER-SIDE WINDSHIELD WIPER walks into KAREN’S office.  KAREN is the HR Manager for GXT, a mid-volume corporation specializing in scalable operations and opportunity leveraging.  PASSENGER-SIDE WINDSHIELD WIPER knows something is up.

 

KAREN: Hi Passenger-Side Windshield Wiper.  I’m glad you could join me today.  Have a seat will you?

PASSENGER-SIDE WINDSHIELD WIPER: Uh…sure.  What’s…uh…what’s this regarding?  Your meeting request just said “Conversation.”

KAREN: Well, to be up front Passenger-Side Windshield Wiper, this is likely not going to be a pleasant conversation for either of us.

PASSENGER-SIDE WINDSHIELD WIPER: Oh, great.  What did I do?

KAREN: It’s more a question on what you are not doing currently.  Over the last few weeks your performance on the job has been substandard.

PASSENGER-SIDE WINDSHIELD WIPER starts to argue.

KAREN: Now before you say anything, please let me express my concerns and I will give you ample time to respond.  Firstly, during your past three rainstorms you just have not been executing.  You pay no attention to the middle of your sweep, leaving it covered with water.  And on top of that you squeak the whole time.

PASSENGER-SIDE WINDSHIELD WIPER: (sarcastically) Jeez…Did the car blow up or something?

KAREN: That’s really not the point.  The point is that we paid $21.95 for you at Advanced Auto Parts.  We could have got the cheaper one but you said that your multiple pressure points would allow a smooth and streak free wipe every time.  You said that your natural rubber resists cracking, splitting and tearing caused by heat, cold, windshield wiper fluid…

PASSENGER-SIDE WINDSHIELD WIPER:   And road salt.

KAREN: Yes, and road salt.  The point is that we feel like you over promised on your abilities and are currently under delivering.    You’ve only been on the job for what seems like a few months.

PASSENGER-SIDE WINDSHIELD WIPER: It’s actually been a year and a half.

KAREN: Regardless, we expect a certain level of longevity and you have not been able to deliver.  Now what we need to see from you going forward are the following: no further corroding of your galvanized steel frame.  No more squeaking on clearly moist surfaces.  You will also need you to get your embedded friction reducers back to their original state.

PASSENGER-SIDE WINDSHIELD WIPER: What if I can’t commit to those goals?

KAREN:  I’m afraid that if this problem doesn’t correct itself, we will be forced to move to a written warning and that could lead to you being terminated for cause.   At which point you would be discarded in the waste bin outside of Pep Boys near that one Strip Mall, the one with the Kohl’s and that sub shop.  I don’t think that’s how you want to end your career, is it?

PASSENGER-SIDE WINDSHIELD WIPER: No.

KAREN: Thank you for the time, Passenger-Side Windshield Wiper.  If you need any clarification on what we’ve spoken about today, my door is always open.

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