This will be a series of posts illustrating what the author believes real life is like for certain persons of interest. 

Anthony Keidis peered over the tops of his bifocals and gave the newspaper a quick fold.   He leaned forward in the wingback chair and reached for a bottle of Advil sitting on the end table.   He took a sip of cold tea out of a mug with the words “Smithfield Equipment and Controls  – Peoria, IL” emblazoned on the front.  The cup found its way into his cupboard many years ago, probably while he was on tour.  “It has a nice weight to it,” he thought.

The lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers had been thrashing about on stage for over 30 years.  And all the jumping, the thumping and the stumping had taken its toll on his joints.  Anthony had a creaky shoulder, a left knee with no cartilage left, and a nagging stiffness in his back from when he jumped into that pool from the roof many years ago.  And for all the drugs he had done on so many occasions in years past, he found that Advil was really the only one that performed exactly as advertised.   No side-effects.  No addiction.  No lives destroyed or friendships ruined.  Just reduced inflammation. 

He popped the pills in his mouth and took another swig.  One last glance at the newspaper was enough for him to set it down and be done with it.  Print media had become infuriating for him in the past few years.  The liberal left seemed to have a vice-lock on any opinion column.  It seemed like any time he opened the paper, there was another New York elitist touting the accomplishments of Obama.  This country was really going to hell.  $4.00 for gas!  That just didn’t jive with Sir Psycho Sexy. 

Anthony reached for one of three television remotes on the coffee table.  He could never figure this damn thing out.  His insanely attractive, 23-year old model girlfriend had helped him with the initial set up.  She was good with technology and such.  All he wanted to do was watch The Price is Right for a few minutes before heading to the mall to take a walk.  But he could never remember if he had to switch the channel to HDMI 2 or Component 2 or what.  He tossed the remote back onto the table.

He turned in his chair and opened the blinds on a window behind him.  Landscapers had come to the mansion to do some routine maintenance.  He once attempted to go out and speak to them, but there was a significant language barrier and it just became awkward.  He understood that traditions and dialects were meant to be upheld but “C’mon” he thought to himself.  Someone out there should be able to speak English a little bit.  This country…