The Long Goodbye

A commercial airliner is experiencing dangerous turbulence over the Great Plains.  The Boston flight is headed towards Denver, where it will deliver ROGER to his new girlfriend PATRICIA.  The plane jolts violently and many passengers let out a scream.  ROGER decides that the plane is going down.  He wants to say goodbye so, ignoring all FAA safety warnings, he takes out his Galaxy Droid 4G© and dials…


ROGER:  Patricia, thank God.  Oh, thank God!

The lights in the cabin flicker and the plane dips even harder.  The wings shake and the cabin pressure suddenly decreases, causing the oxygen masks to drop from the ceiling.

PATRICIA: What’s wrong, I thought your flight was like 3 hours.  Did you get delayed somewhere?

ROGER: Patty, I needed to call you.

PATRICIA: You know, you’re not supposed to use cell phones on a plane.

ROGER:  I know, I know!  This is too important!

PATRICIA: What’s all that noise going on in the background?

ROGER: The plane is going down!

PATRICIA: No!  NO!  It can’t be.  I…I…

The engine labors outside, shaking as if in its final rattle of death.

ROGER: I just wanted to say goodbye to you one last time.

PATRICIA: Oh, Roger.  Please.  Please don’t let this happen.  No, oh no. 

ROGER: These past few months have been wonderful.  Please, take care of my mother.  She loves you so much already.  Tell her I love her. 

PATRICIA: I will, I will.  Oh Roger.  What else can I do?

ROGER: You know those Basketball cards I keep in that green shoe box?

PATRICA: I think so.  Is it the one at the foot of the bed?

ROGER: Yes!  Oh Patty, you know me so well already.  Well anyway, can you make sure that you give those to Andy?

PATRICIA: Andy? Have I met him before?

The plane continues to shoot through the sky, increasing the descent towards the Earth. 

ROGER: Yes.  He was at Sarah’s graduation.  He’s the one with the hair that makes him look like he should have been Pearl Jam’s bass player.

PATRICIA: Oh yeah!  He was kind of annoying.

ROGER: Please give that shoebox to him.  And my old Nintendo, my Lego collection, my…

PATRICIA: Hold on, let me get a pen.

As Roger waits, the beverage cart comes hurtling through the aisle, crashing into the front of the cabin.

PATRICIA: Ok.  Got one.

ROGER: My Lego collection, my Broncos jacket, my…

PATRICIA: Wait, this one isn’t working.

ROGER: Just remember it! It’s not that hard.  My Broncos jacket and my Xbox, give those to Kirkland.

PATRICIA: Kirleki?

ROGER: Kirkland!

PATRICIA: You’re going to have to spell it for me.


PATRICIA: Oh Roger, I will.  I love you.

ROGER: Yep.  Me too.

PATRICIA:  You love me?


PATRICIA: Then say it.

ROGER: What?

PATRICIA: You know what?

ROGER: Ah, c’mon…

The woman next to Roger is praying loudly as the plane continues its free fall.


ROGER: I love you.

PATRICIA:  That’s better. 

Awkward silence.

ROGER: Ok.  Well, that’s about it.  Um…yeah.  So…I guess I’ll see you later?

PATRICIA: Yeah.  Yep.  See you…around…I guess.

ROGER: Okey dokey.


Roger hangs up the phone.  Immediately the plane begins to level off and increase in pressure.  The lights have stopped flickering and the engines level off to their normal drone.  The plane rises back into the air.  People are openly weeping as if saved by some act of God.

ROGER: We’re going to make it!  Wow, Patty is never going to believe this!

ROGER dials PATRICIA again.  The engines cut out.