Living with Kierkegaard

Ed note – I didn’t really even know who Kierkegaard was before this writing this article.  He just seemed like one of those people who you’re supposed to know. 

“The Rent” is a construct created by man. And I do not abide.

Soren Kierkegaard lives in a small studio apartment with Paul, a salesman at a local carpet manufacturer.  They got hooked up on Craigslist. We join the two as Paul is returning home to find his unemployed roommate on the couch.  The Danish philosopher’s heady thoughts and constant ponderings make living with him a bit of a chore. 

Paul: Hi Soren.  What have you been doing all day?

Kierkegaard:  Boredom is the root of all evil – the despairing refusal to be oneself. 

Paul: Ok.  I guess that’s code for drinking Mountain Dew and playing NHL ‘13 all day.  Well that’s just great.  Hey, could you help me with the groceries?  I’ve got two more bags down in the car.

Kierkegaard: I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations.  One can either do this or that.  My honest and my friendly advice is this: do it or do it not – you will regret both. 

Paul: (Sigh) You know, referring to yourself as “oneself” is really annoying. 

PAUL opens the refrigerator to put away some greek yogurt he bought at the store.

Paul: Hey.  Where’s my thing of Apple Cider?  Did you drink that?

Kierkegaard: Perhaps.

Paul: Well what the “F” Soren?!?  I put a label on it that said, “Paul’s – Do NOT Drink.”  Didn’t you see it?

Kierkegaard: The cider lived by my rule: once you label me, you negate me.

Paul: I don’t really think the carton of cider had a problem.  I think you have a problem.  This is exactly like the time you ate that pasta salad that my mom gave me on the Fourth of July.  She made it without onions specifically for me.  Why can’t you believe that sometimes you shouldn’t touch other people’s food?

Kierkegaard: It is so hard to believe because it is so hard to obey.

Paul: That’s it.  I can’t deal with this.  I’m taking a bath and I don’t want to be disturbed.

PAUL walks out of the room and slams the bathroom door shut.

Kierkegaard: Don’t forget to love yourself!

Paul (muffled): Shut UP!