York, PA – Attendees of the Aubrey Carrenton’s High-School graduation party were unaware that they were in the midst of a power struggle. “To be honest, I thought it was getting a little weird,” said Amy Fitzpatrick, an older cousin of Aubrey. Two party-goers subjected other guests to their annoying, albeit subtle, battle for the affection of some random dog.
Kurt Mayo arrived at the party around the same time as Tyler Dixon, both friends of the family. After dropping off their presents and filling their paper plates with rigatoni, they focused their attention on the Carrenton’s German Shorthair, Blaster.
“No he seriously like keeps coming up to my side” laughed Dixon. “He’s my new sidekick.”
Fourteen seconds later, Blaster made his way over to Mayo. “He’s just loving the fact that I rub his belly.”
Not to be outdone, Dixon called Blaster away from Mayo by whistling and mimed holding table scraps. “No he really likes having his ears scratched,” Dixon said.
The battle that ensued lasted throughout the night, both parties refusing to give up fighting for the affection of a creature that eats its own vomit. As Mayo and Dixon became more inebriated, the lavish attempts at dog-bribery became dangerous. “Here boy, want a Twix Bar?” Mayo asked of Blaster, holding a piece of candy down to the floor. Mayo only retracted the candy after being scolded by multiple people who said the chocolate crunch might kill the canine. “A little bit won’t hurt,” he muttered repeatedly.
The most brazen move of the night was when Dixon, perhaps fueled by one too many Vodka and Sprites, decided to scoop up the 13-year-old dog and hold him in his arms like a baby doll. “The chicks were going nuts for that,” recalled Dixon, who was reached for comment afterwards.
The battle ended without a clear victor and both Dixon and Mayo left the party without closure.
Blaster proceeded to knock over a candle in the living room and then went to sleep on the couch in the basement.