Mike Tomlin at His PhD Thesis Defense

If not for his successful career path to become the Pittsburgh Steelers head coach, Mike Tomlin would have been a theoretical physicist.  Here we find the verbally vague coach defending his thesis in front of a board of faculty at William and Mary.

Dr. Thorton:  Mr. Tomlin, you assert that all matter flows in a non-consecutive pattern.  How can you break from Aristotle’s view of matter; that it is continuous and can be divided and broken down without cessation infinitely?  Why should we believe your new standard?

Mike Tomlin:  The standard is the standard.

Dr. Thorton: Um…ok.  Good.  Well then.

Dr. Xien: So what you’re saying is that the point of matter can exist in multiple planes?  How can there be any reconciliation with our reality if that is the case?  If we are all existing in multiple dimensions simultaneously, how do we live day-to-day?

Mike Tomlin: Be where you’re at.

Dr. Xien:  No more question, I guess.

Dr. Patel: Mr. Tomlin, would your theory have any practical applications?  Perhaps in manufacturing?

Mike Tomlin: Iron sharpens iron.

Dr. Patel: This is ridiculous. 

Mike Tomlin: We’ve got to be ten toes into this thing.