NCAA Imposes “Special Jurisdiction”; Imposes Death Penalty on Second Law of Thermodynamics

State College, PA – In a stunning power move, NCAA President Mark Emmert announced the NCAA decision to vacate the Second Law of Thermodynamics and all physical principle’s associated with it.

“I feel that for too long the world has allowed the quality of heat transfer to remain poor and chaotic,” said Emmert.  “The NCAA felt that the absolution of this core fact of human existence needed to occur in order for there to be a significant shift in our nation’s culture.”

The Second law of Thermodynamics states that entropy increases in a system over time, meaning that energy becomes random and less useful.

Some have said that the NCAA is over-stepping its jurisdiction.  Asked to comment on the NCAA’s ruling, renowned astrophysicist Stephen Hawking said, “Why would I give an asteroid-sized crap about what they say?”

The announcement has spurred a flurry of criticism and bewilderment from the science community at large.  However, some are taking this new freedom and making the most out of it.  Dr. Andre Kovalev of Columbia University has already submitted a prototype for a perpetual motion generator.

“This machine will require no fuel whatsoever. And it will only be used to crack eggs.”

The NCAA ruling holds the laws of Physics accountable for the failure to provide humankind with malleable guidelines of the world they live in.  “Physics will never again be placed ahead of the interest of the NCAA,” Emmert said.  “I am all-powerful.  I dictate the will of the world.  Salvation is found only through me.  Praise me with sacrifices and flower petals.  Er…I mean, this was the only logical step we could take as an organization.”