What Watching the “Dark Knight Rises” in a Pittsburgh Movie Theater Will Probably Be Like…

The lights dim and a lull falls over the crowd.  The silence is broken only by the sound of clandestine beers being pulled out of cargo shorts and popped open.  The previews are over.  No one is going to want to see a Judge Dredd remake.  No one cares about who Kate Hudson is falling in love with this time around.  They want to see the Batman.  They want to see action.  They want to see Pittsburgh.

Opening Scene.  The camera pans across PPG place.  The black plate-glass architecture spires up from the ground.  A yinzer yells out, “My buddy works on the second floor there.  I been in that building!”

Cut to: the Liberty Bridge.  Cars rush over the steel cantilevers establishing a day shot.  Another yinzer yells out, “Man that’s where my mum almost got into that car accident with the black dude driving the Clark Bar truck.”

Bruce Wayne enters the scene.  Christian Bale plays him perfectly.  He’s barely keeping together his facade of debonair.  Turmoil broils beneath him.  He walks through a crowded street.  The people in the city are busy with their day.  A yinzer yells out, “Holy crap!  I think that’s my brother’s girlfriend right there in the background!  She works ‘dahn at Sammy’s, you know that place by the courthouse where they got them pastrami sandwiches?  We always park there for Pens games.  I’m pretty sure that’s her!  I gotta text my brother.  He’ll flip his wig.”

Heinz Field.  Steelers Wide-Receiver Hines Ward catches a ball and out runs an explosion.  The special effects leave people in the theater breathless.  Except for one dude from Hampton.  “I always hated Hines Ward.  Dude tried to hit on my sister when we were down at Levels on the Southside.  Total jag.”

And the movies goes on, slowly with nostalgia and recognition.