Detroit Mom Struggles to Answer 5-year Old’s Existential Questioning

Detroit, MI – Passengers of Southwest flight 3445 poured through the jetway of Terminal 12b at Detroit Metro Airport.  None of the passengers was more relived to be out of the sky than Paula Hammlin.  On a routine flight back from her mother’s house in Oklahoma City, Paula’s 5 year old daughter, Haley, began to ask her difficult existential questions.

“As soon as we got to about 30,000 feet and Haley saw the tops of the clouds,” recounted Hammlin.  “She just started in on me with questions about angels and God and Jesus.  It was a nightmare.”

Witnesses said they overheard Haley ask such questions as:

  • Mommy, if Heaven is in the sky and we’re in the sky, then where are the angels?
  • Do angels have houses?
  • Where do angels get food? 
  •  Is Jesus an angel? 
  • Does Jesus have a car? 
  • What kind of car does Jesus drive then? 
  • Is God really Jesus’ Daddy? 
  • Does God have a Ralph like you?  (Ralph is Hammlin’s current live-in boyfriend) 
  • Does Jesus have to call Ralph, Daddy too?  
  • If Satan was an angel created by God and Satan is bad, doesn’t that make God fallible and therefore invalidate any edict or decree that uses His Righteousness as the reasoning behind it?


"Honey. Shhhhh!"

“I felt bad for the poor lady,” said one passenger.  “My daughter did that to me one time at my Great Uncle’s funeral.  I feel for her.”

Hammlin, self-described as a “casual Methodist,” told reporters that her theological knowledge was no match for her daughter’s questioning.  “It’s going to be tough for me to explain to her why she has to go to school in the morning when I can’t even explain why Heaven doesn’t have a McDonalds.”