Pittsburgh, PA – Late last night an Ambridge man realized that he had missed watching the Steelers game in its entirety. Despite this, Robert DeMarcy (39) lived.
“I don’t know what happened,” said DeMarcy. “I guess I thought the game started at 8:30 because it was in Denver or something.”
In spite of this catastrophic error in judgment, DeMarcy actually lived through the night. Paramedics were called to his house and DeMarcy was put on suicide watch but surprisingly no incident of self-harm occurred. In fact, he seemed relatively content. “Looking back on it, I actually had a pretty great day.”
Without the notification from SportsCenter of the game time, DeMarcy mistakenly assumed the game would take place in a prime time Mountain Time setting. He had accidentally forgotten to watch television that morning, instead electing to make breakfast for his family and attend church. During the Steeler’s stunning overtime loss, DeMarcy was reportedly doing laundry, reading an enriching novel and playing fort with his 5 year old son.
“Daddy was a dragon and I was Buzz Lightyear,” Andy DeMarcy (5) told reporters. The younger DeMarcy was equally unaware of the game in progress. “We had so much fun and I love my daddy and my bear’s name is Dee-Daw and I’m five and Mrs. Wicklan is my teacher and watch me.” Andy then spun around on the floor and looked at the press reporters for approval.
Some of DeMarcy’s friends made an effort to reach out through vague text messages. He received texts which alluded to the game’s status, but without a frame of reference DeMarcy was unable to interpret them. Paul Gibbons, a longtime friend of DeMarcy sent text messages during play such as, Booya and F Teebow. He sux, and Ike looks like absolute garbage, to no avail.
“He’s a fighter, “said Gibbons. “He’ll pull through this.”