Popping the Question (to a Dad)

As of last Sunday, I am engaged.   I am so happy with this new development for many reasons.

The most important, obviously, is that I am committing to a woman who I can’t picture living without.  We will wander through this life bewildered, but together.  Holding hands and squeezing gently when the wind howls and the clouds blot out the light of the moon.


Doesn’t true love just make you wanna barf?


The other less important, but still awesome, part of being engaged is that I have tapped into to the biggest cache of stand-up material that the world has ever known: marriage.

And away we go…


You have to ask the Father first before you get married, which is a nice gesture but it is intimidating.  My girlfriend’s dad is a 6’4” railroad worker who played college football and eats like a grizzly bear that just took a bong hit.  I had to go up to this guy, this man, and ask him for possession of his daughter.

I almost chickened out.  I almost couldn’t do it face-to-face.  I was seriously on the verge of asking him over facebook or like leaving a folded up note in his car.  “Can I marry your daughter?  Check one:”

It was a tough conversation.  I tried to over-compensate to meet his level of manliness.  I didn’t even say I’d like to marry your daughter.  I said, “I bought her some serious hardware.”  Hardware.  Like I’m one of those construction persons.  Like that was going to fool him.  “Oh, hardware?  You must be pretty handy.  Say , while you’re here, could you help me install this ceiling fan?”

I sort of blacked out halfway through.  I don’t even remember what I said.  I was trailing off and probably babbling incoherently.  So he silenced me and held his thumb out like we were in Gladiator.  He gave me the thumbs up.

Spaniard.  Spaniard.  Spaniard.

I could tell he felt a little weird about the whole situation too.  He had that look on his face like, “Uh, this is awkward.”   And when I saw that, I realized I’m just a regular guy like him.  Here was this manly man and he was just as uncomfortable as I was.

So I let go of his leg, stopped crying and walked out of there with my head held high.