Worker’s Comp Case Looms for the City of Detroit

(AP – Detroit, MI)  The City of Detroit has found itself yet again wrapped in legal entanglements regarding the safety of a public official.  Earlier this year, Officer Alexander Murphy was gunned down by local crime boss Clarence Boddicker in an abandoned steel mill.  Murphy was pronounced dead on the scene but a new program instituted by Omni Consumer Products (OCP) has allowed Murphy to return from the dead and back to work.

“The RoboCop initiative is still in it’s pilot phase at this point,” said Dick Jones, Senior VP of OCP Operations.  “The future of the program depends solely on the outcome of this case.”

Many legal scholars expect the outcome, whatever it may be, to be appealed to the Supreme Court.  They believe that it will finally answer the question that has been plaguing mankind for centuries: does a machine with human memories have any civil rights?“I expect this case to rank up there with Roe v. Wade in terms of historical significance,” says Bert Faloway, Professor of Legal Ethics at Cornell University.  “The prosecution will need to establish a preponderance of evidence that RoboCop is, in fact, a human.  If that argument is accepted, then they may proceed further.”

But what makes a human a human?  Is it warm flesh and coursing blood?  Or is it the ability to feel nostalgia, sorrow and love?  This is the question.  The answer, well, let’s just say I’d buy that for a dollar.If the courts agree that RoboCop is a human and therefore entitled to the benefits outlined in the employee handbook, they then must answer the other question: if Murphy died, but RoboCop lives with Murphy’s memories, is RoboCop entitled to receive those benefits outlined in the Life Insurance?

RoboCop’s lawyers claim that he is not a robot, but a cyborg (machine parts supporting living organic tissue).  The long legal battle will undoubtedly include many arguments regarding the semantics of the word.

A statement was issued by the Murphy camp earlier this week outlining the points of their cause:

“We intend to prove that in this exceptional circumstance, our client is owed several millions of dollars by the City of Detroit as outlined in their official benefits policy.  RoboCop is not only owed Workers’ Compensation because he was injured on the job, he/it (whatever) is also owed the full amount of his company-sponsored life insurance policy because he was technically killed on the job.”OCP’s legal team disagrees.  “Our Life-Insurance policy is clear that in the case of death resulting from a workplace injury only the employee’s selected dependents can receive payment,” says  Jones.  “RoboCop cannot collect compensation from his own death.  It’s a paradox.  And paradoxes are not covered under the current structure.”

“My prime directives are to serve the public trust, protect the innocent and uphold the law,” RoboCop said during opening arguments.  “My actions are consistent with my third directive.”He looked over to OCP’s General Counsel.  “Your move, creep.”