Things I’m Afraid Of

January 15, 2011

1) Cirque de Solei –  I’m not sure what person said, “You know what is missing from the circus?  French pretentiousness.”  But Cirque du Solei was born anyways.   I was in 3rd grade when I went to a Cirque show for the first time and it was terrifying.  Here’s what I remember: a little girl being abducted by a headless man in a tuxedo carrying an umbrella.  After about 3 hours of ethereal humanoids doing somersaults and swinging on hoop swings, I was ready to tap out.  Later in the show, 3 people dressed as angels were dropped from the rafters as though they were hanging themselves.  I don’t care if it was in the name of art or not, my 9 year old brain was not ready to process the sight of angels committing suicide.

2) Physical Confrontations- I’m not sure the origins of this one.  I don’t like even being around people getting into fights.  I think my mom made me read a Newsweek article when I was 12 about some teenagers that got into a fight.  One of them died after being knocked to the ground and slamming their head off the concrete.  The notion that pretty much any fight would definitely end in my brains splattered on the pavement has been ingrained in me.

3) Everything in the Ocean – The organisms that live in the ocean might as well be aliens.  I feel that although we share beating hearts, we are nothing alike.  There is something ancient and soulless about them.  Look into a shark’s eyes.  Do you think it has any idea, who or what its mother is?

4) Alzheimer’s / Dementia – I already think that memory itself is a fragile and fickle thing.  (Quick: when is your Grandparents anniversary?)  The fact that it gets worse with time is scary.  I don’t ever want to say to myself, “Ok.  You’ve had a good life.  Time to pack it in.”  But if I wake up one morning and can’t remember how to tie my shoes, then I might consider early retirement.

5) Puppets – I’ve had nightmares about Kermit the Frog before.  But my phobia is not just relegated to the Muppets.  Ventriloquist dummies, marionettes, and sock puppets (remember Sifl and Ollie?)  creep me out in equal proportion.  I think the thing that scared me is not so much the actual puppet, but the operator of the puppet.  I thought Jim Henson, who by my own nomination should be voted #1 citizen of Earth ever, probably had a really dark side that he never really showed to anyone.

Other things I’m scared of:

– Rollercoasters

– Being flat broke

– Some dogs

– Becoming a bitter comedian

– Having a small funeral

– Somehow going to jail

– Having my teeth fall out

– Touching something when I know it will probably give me a shock of static electricity

– and More!!!

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