September 10, 2010
Where are my fellow polite people? I have to tell you something my brothers and sisters, I’m through with it. I’m through with being polite in a world full of jagoffs. I think we need to revolt. A bloody, violent revolt. Because right now, we are the stable legs that society stands on. We follow the rules…which in turn allows others to break them. We’re the plankton in the sea that everything else feeds off of. I’m done with it though.
I was on a plane and a disheveled woman came on 10 minutes after we were supposed to be taking off, making us all late. She jammed everyone else’s bags around in the overhead compartment while trying to fit hers in. Then she proceeded to text while we’re taking off, ignoring the FAA rules that the flight attendants just went over.
What I want to say is, “Hey you freaking moron! They literally just told everyone simultaneously to turn that stuff off. Don’t you realize that your BlackBerry signal could jam up communications to the flight tower and by your selfish actions you could be jeopardizing the safety of everyone on this plane? Turn it off now, you inconsiderate, selfish pig.”
But I’m polite. So I did the polite thing. I stared at her and rolled my eyes, hoping that she’d pick me up in her peripheral vision and get the clue.
Now my internal battle is: Do I keep being polite or do I yell at this lady? She seriously is a safety hazard. Should I finally stand-up for the polite and considerate people in this world? The people who signal when they merge on the freeway? The people who say please and thank you.? The people who don’t cut in line to get ketchup?
All it’s going to take is for some ignorant jackass to push one of us polite people over the edge and spark the revolution. You ignoramuses don’t want people like me to become impolite, because then the system in which you function will cease to be. If all the polite people decided to start yelling at cashier’s at McDonalds, honking at no one in particular in standstill traffic, and blasting crappy music on huge boomboxes at the beach, civilization as we know it will cave in on itself. And you idiots out there will rue the day you agitated the Polite.
You probably don’t even know who you are. You’re too busy texting during stand-up comedy shows and hawking loogies on the sidewalks to notice that I’m even talking about you. But be warned inconsiderate people. You’re dealing with a fragile man. And the next time you sit next to me on the plane and the captain tells everyone to turn their cell phones off, you better God damn do it. Because if your BlackBerry is the reason that we have one of those “unlikely water landings” that flight attendants are always talking about, I’m going to be using you as my floatation device.