Realistic Superhero Headlines: The Punisher

June 8, 2010

(AP) Manhattan, NY – Federal prosecutors are alleging that a Manhattan resident who was stockpiling massive amounts of armaments, munitions, and explosives planned to make war on all crime in New York city.

Frank Castle, a Vietnam war veteran and a former special agent with the CIA, was arrested late last night in the basement of his Queens residence.  Police say that Castle had an array of weapons that could easily supply a small army.

“I know this is a pretty high-profile case, but from our perspective, he was extremely easy to identify and apprehend,” said special prosecutor Dale Garmin.

Notes from Castle’s recovered journal outline a detailed plot to kill all members of the Mafia who were involved in the 1985 shootout in Central Park, where Castle’s wife and daughter were tragically killed by stray gunfire.

“His motives were legitimate. If I was in his place I’d probably do the same thing,” said Garmin.  “It was the way he went about procuring his weapons that seemed well…very dumb.”

Receipts from local outdoor merchandise retailer Gander Mountain show that Castle tried to purchase well over $85,000 dollars worth of various guns and ammunition.  These repeated purchases attempts raised suspicion from the associates at the sporting goods warehouse.

“We pretty much called the cops after the second time he came in,” explained Store Manager Jesse Cohan.  “The first time he came in he seemed normal enough.  We sold him a Walther PPK because he cleared the original background check.  But the second time he came in he was dressed in all black with a giant death skull painted on his sweatshirt.  He started muttering about revenge this and vengeance that.  The thing that made us notify the authorities was when he started asking if we had any military grade exploding rounds for a .50 caliber rifle.  One of our assistant managers asked him why he needed that.  He said, ‘I need them to kill people with.’  So I called the local police right afterwards.”

If found guilty on all counts, Castle could spend up to seven months in prison before being released.

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