August 35, 2010
Ralph sat slouching in the folds of his couch.
The TV blared on and he breathed through his mouth.
The cracks of synapses slid into the stream.
His eyes collapsed and he started to dream.
There was a faceless pair with neatly parted hair.
Flesh covered skulls, but not much else there.
They raised a candy bar to their lips
And on the golden wrapper engraved was Twix.
So the caramel leaked out like a plentiful spout.
This barren wasteland was due for a drought.
And as Ralph climbed the cookie wafer to sail
He heard the labored breath of a giant Blue Whale.
The sputtering had submerged back from below.
Ralph waited again for the great beast to blow.
A murky shadow ascended up to the wave.
But the whale was a car: a brand new Hyundai.
It looked shiny and silver as it drove through the spume.
Ralph’s eyes surfed the tide and appeared in the rear view.
This car was like velvet. The engine did purr.
All this great stuff for Zero Percent APR?
He piloted the car across the rough surf.
The green water had hardened, turned into astroturf.
Along the sidelines sat a woman in a bath.
Her shoulders were naked, soft muscle showed a path.
Ralph stepped on the brake (he felt the anti-lock shake).
When he put the gear in park, he was already in a lake.
But water was warm and he was next to her side.
His clothes were gone; he was cripplingly shy.
She touched his hand and the moment was right.
The dusk turned to dawn; into day, into night.
He wanted to enter her womanly palace.
Thank God he was surrounded by a sea of Cialis.
When Ralph stirred awake, the TV announcer broke in
“Welcome back from the break. The Cowboys leading the Dolphins.”