Man’s Face Melts Off During Awesome Guitar Solo

September 23, 2010

Columbus, OH  – A 24-YEAR-OLD MAN from Easton was seriously injured after his face melted off during a performance by Swedish thrash guitarist Yngwie Malmsteen last night.

During a particularly insane guitar solo, Ian Glish’s face slowly softened and slid off of his skull.  He hit the floor and collapsed after rocking out a bit longer.

First aid officers removed the man to treat him in the side corridor before paramedics arrived and rushed him to Mount Carmel West Hospital.  Emergency services outside the hall confirmed the man had sustained serious injuries during the guitar solo.

A shaken eyewitness said, “He just started head-banging and he finally got so into it that his face flew off.   He was just lying there and everybody made a circle around him.”

After seeing the defacing take place, some dude at the concert remarked to reporters, “That was freaking sick!!!”

A police officer at the scene said, “He is certainly not in a good way.  He has sustained serious injuries and has been taken to Mount Carmel West Hospital to be treated.”  The rowdy gig carried on with most people unaware of the incident.  Police officers arrived to start an investigation as soon as the concert ended.

Representatives from Malmsteem’s record company declined to comment last night.  The guitarist made a brief statement to the press following the concert.  “I’ve been informed about the incident that took place tonight.  I send my apologies and prayers to the victim.  But I’m still going to shred.  It’s just what I do.”

Malmsteem’s concert showcases a larger problem in the Rock community as a whole.  A guitarist will shred and people’s faces get melted off.  Malmsteen is known for his technical fluency and neo-classical metal compositions, often incorporating high speed picking with harmonic minor scales, diminished scales and sweep picked arpeggios.  Basically, he shreds…hard.  But how hard is too hard?

This incident has already stirred up a debate in Congress as to the safety of people’s faces at Rock shows.  Just last week at a Rush concert in Pittsburgh, a local man’s head evaporated after a prolonged bass solo from Geddy Lee.  “People should have a reasonable expectation that their faces will remain intact during and after a rock show,” said Tim Murphy (Republican – PA).

Eyewitnesses heard the victim shout as he was carted off by paramedics, “Totally worth it.”

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