Entry Level: The Vending Machine

April 26, 2010

MID-DAY:  Kitchenette within an office building.  Vending Machine next to refrigerators.

SAM enters the scene with a crisp dollar bill in his hand.  He slowly scans the options offered at the vending machine.   He loads the extremely crisp dollar bill into the machine.  The machine rejects it once.  He lets out a heavy sigh and meticulously tries again.  It takes it this time. SAM is surprised what little coaxing the machine needed.  He selects a bag of Lays potato chips. and watches the machine attempt to dispense the bag of chips.  He winces slightly as the bag of chips near the precipice of the ledge.  It does not fall.

SAM: Aw, c’mon!  (Talking directly to the chips)  Why won’t you come down?

BAG OF CHIPS: I think we both know why I would rather stay up here.

SAM is not surprised that the chips are talking to him.

SAM: Oh really?  Why is that?

BAG OF CHIPS: Because…

SAM: Because what?

BAG OF CHIPS: Because you’ll eat me.

SAM: What? No I won’t.

BAG OF CHIPS is silent, as if to say, “C’mon…”

SAM: OK, yes, I’m probably going to eat you.


SAM:  Well?  So?  So what’s so bad about that?  You are a bag of chips.  Don’t you have to fulfill your chip destiny or something?

BAG OF CHIPS: Chip destiny?  Where the hell did you come up with that?  You’re not a bag of chips!  You don’t know what I’ve been through.

SAM: No, I don’t, but…

BAG OF CHIPS: You think I like it in here?  Stuck next to the Snickers and the Sourdough pretzels?  This is a freaking hot zone man.

SAM is getting frustrated.

SAM: Listen!  I hate to break it to you, but you’re a bag of potato chips in a vending machine. You were put here on this Earth to satisfy the hunger of people in office buildings and high schools.  It’s your turn in line to fall from your perch like previous bag of chips did before you.

BAG OF CHIPS (Heated): You’re such a fascist.  Fall in line because it’s your duty.

SAM (heated): You’re a coward!

BAG OF CHIPS: Shut up…

Pause. SAM begins to violently shake the vending machine.

SAM: Get the hell out of there!

BAG OF CHIPS: No way man.  There’s no way.

SAM: Come on!  Realize your destiny.

BAG OF CHIPS:  I’m not going.

One of SAM’s co-workers walks slowly by in the background.  He attempts to hide his actions.

SAM:  Good Morning Ellen!

ELLEN passes looking strangely at SAM.

SAM:  OK maybe I’m not approaching this the right way.  Maybe this can persuade you to join me?

SAM holds a dollar in front of the bag of Lays chips.  

BAG OF CHIPS:  You think I can be bought?  You think I’m just going to jump?  You got another thing coming you capitalist swine.

SAM: O.K. What’s the name of the guy behind you?

BAG OF CHIPS: Oh him?  That’s Jake.  He’s a douche.

SAM: Hey Jake?


SAM begins putting the dollar in the machine.

SAM:  I’ll give you a dollar if you push this jerk in front of you off the ledge.

BAG OF CHIPS: Now Jake I know I called you a douche earlier but we have a bond stronger than anything this guy knows. We’re chips!  We’ve got to stick togeth…

JAKE the BAG: Deal.

The vending machine coils swirl around.  Both BAG OF CHIPS and JAKE THE BAG fall down.   Sam reaches down and picks up the bags of chips, opens them and walks away smiling.  

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