July 14, 2010
(Phoenix, AZ) – Since its passage in 1970, the Occupational Safety and Health Act has greatly improved the conditions of employment for many American workers. It has set standards for fire prevention, medical training and even noise exposure in work environments. As a result, workplace injuries have fallen 42% and fatalities have been reduced by 62%. The success of the legislation stems from strong enforcement of the standards it has developed.
The latest company to incur OSHA’s wrath is Muppet Labs, LLC headed by Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, lead scientist and founder.
After a surprise investigation from a Compliance Officer on Monday, Muppet Labs, LLC is facing a slew of very serious citations, most of which involve one particular employee, a lab assistant known only as Beaker.
“The willful and repeated hazards that Mr. Beaker was subjected to under Dr. Honeydew’s supervision represent a plain indifference to even the most basic standards of a healthy workplace,” said Peter Gilman, National Director of OSHA.
According to case files, while working under Dr. Honeydew, Mr. Beaker was repeatedly electrocuted, blown up, smashed and, on one occasion, eaten by a large monster. The resulting psychological shock from these “mishaps” has reduced the once promising young lab assistant to a near mute who can only express dismay and pain through a series of “meeps.”
Never before seen footage from an Investor Relations video found at Muppet Labs. Calls to Dr. Honeydew and his representatives for comment were not returned.
The totality of the infractions will likely result in nearly $7,000,000 in fines. This may be the death blow to Muppet Labs which was already in financial trouble following years of unsuccessful product launches. Edible paper clips, a banana sharpener, and an electric nose warmer all became part of Muppet Labs’ bizarre portfolio of patents. Many financial analysts have long questioned the direction of the company under Honeydew, who has seemed indifferent to both workplace and fiduciary responsibility. Many investors pulled out of Muppet Labs when Honeydew announced last year that he would create a device that turned gold into cottage cheese.
One thing is for sure: given the potential impact that these fines may have on Muppet Labs, their “Pigs In Space” program will have to be put on hold indefinitely until further funding is established.