January 18, 201o
(AP) Coruscant System
Lawyers at Mardoon Engineers, LLC were scrambling today as the news hit that the Galactic Empire would be suing the Coruscant-based architecture firm for several quadrillion dollars. The Empire has filed a negligence suit against galaxy-renowned architect Pel Mardoon, charging that flaws in his design of the $4,000,000,000,000,000 Death Star, one of the most evil and terror-inducing works of architecture ever created, caused a structural weakness that allowed a single Rebel Alliance Fighter to obliterate the whole space station with one proton torpedo.
“This was the Death Star for Sith’s sake!” cried Grand Moff Sekot, leader of the Imperial Navy, in a joint committee hearing on Intergalactic Security. “You can’t just have something called the Death Star get blown up by an X-wing! Thousands of lives were lost, trillions of dollars vaporized and most importantly, it makes the Empire look bad.”
The investigatory commission on the Death Star attack led several galactic politicians to point the finger at Mardoon Engineers, claiming that the firm cut corners in order to ensure a tidier profit, citing the main area of Rebel Attack, the exhaust vents, was left vulnerable.
However, Greetch Tell-dnak spokes-droid for the company says that the Empire approved all blueprints and schematics. “The Empire is simply looking for someone else to blame for this tragedy beside themselves.”
Tell-dnak’s criticisms seem to have some validity. There were several blunders by the Empire only a few months before the final attack that may have led to the destruction. It was the Empire’s lax data security that allowed the Death Star schematics to initially fall into Rebel hands. When a group of high-profile rebels were captured, an R2 unit was able to hack into the mainframe and deactivate garbage compactors, cell locks and security doors. Imperial Storm troopers were not required to wear ID badges when accessing critical areas of the space station. This allowed a Jedi named Obi-Wan Kenobi to walk unchecked into the power station and deactivate the tractor beams, freeing a group of captured rebels.
When the attack finally came, TIE Fighter pilots deployed to defend against the attack were under-trained and unprepared. However, the Imperial government has suppressed most of the details of these lapses.
Attorney General for the Empire Chektu Meelh’aan claims, “Mardoon, LLC breached its duties by providing deficient design services and drawings.” Meelh’aan also claims that the company owner has loose ties to the Rebel Alliance because he helped design a Rebel Y-Wing hangar on Yavin-IV.
“I’m not yet implying that Pel Mardoon is Rebel Scum. But this lawsuit may be the tip an very large iceberg.”
Calls to Mardoon’s personal residence on Bespin were not returned.