February 18, 2009
The other day, my friend Brian and I got into a text message exchange that had us both crying from laughter. When the two of us get together we just act like buffoons. But not in the regular sense of the word. We might as well be speaking a different language to everyone else, as we make absolutely no sense whatsoever. One time we thought it would be funny to stage a reading of Forrest Gump but have the entire cast say their lines under water. Then that progressed to “What if a laptop fell in love with someone who was underwater all the time? They could never be together.”
Well, here is the text message exchange that had us both in stitches the other day.
Me: Hey i’m coming down to West Palm Beach next week. how far do you live from there?
Brian: I’m about 1 hour and 15 minutes South. Where exactly will you be?
Me: Courtyard Marriot in West Palm. i guess it’s called Wellington
B: Well suck me sideways. I’ll call you after work
Me: i’m seriously bringing my bass down
B:What’s your means of transportation while you’re here?
Me: Not sure. i Could just rent a car
B:I’m starting to get tingly all over. i might just be high with excitement
Me: My hemmorrhoids are flaring up with painful delight.
B:I’m starting to hemorrhage through my armpits
Me: That’s it…I’ve burst into flames and am screaming and making dirt in my pants.
B:I’ve evaporated into a light mist and I’ve been inhaled by an aardvark and sneezed onto a monkey’s face
Me: My excitement has manifested itself in the form of another jeff. This jeff is running around pulling people’s pants down while coughing and examining himself.
B:I just counted my own bones after I lit myself on fire
Me: I just tooted out a Pull-and-Peel Twizzler
B:Battery acid is shooting out my nipples and bubble gum is shooting out of my pimples
Me: I sold my skin on e-bay for $12 dollars, just right now!
B: I just made a doggy sweater out of someone’s skin I bought on e-bay for 12 dollars.
After all this build-up, we never met. This is comedy between friends. I share it with you.