(AP) Atlanta,GA – Mall goers were pleasantly surprised to see all three famous Chic-fil-A Cows doing a promotional work at the company’s flagship location in an Atlanta food court. The cows donned their famous sandwich boards scrawled with the text “EAT MOR CHIKIN”, signed autographs, and took pictures with fans. The event was a jovial one until a group of prominent chickens cut through the crowd and began to confront the buoyant bovines. The group was led by Foghorn Leghorn, of Looney Tunes fame. Leghorn voraciously denounced the Cows’ slogan citing the fact that encourages violence toward chickens.
“I say…I said, you cows don’t have any right to expel this violent rhetoric in a public place. Keep…I say, keep your hate speech back in the barn.” Leghorn crowed through the rising din of an uncomfortable public. Leghorn was flanked by other famous chickens including Chicken Little; Chanticleer (from the hit 90’s animated movie Rock-a-Doodle); Roy, Booker and Sheldon (from the Garfield Show spin-off U.S. Acres); and the famously violent and unstable muppet, Gonzo the Great, whose longtime girlfriend, Camilla, is a chicken.
Gonzo appeared to looking for a fight as he brazenly told the cows “My girlfriend’s a chicken you fat bastards…you wanna kill her!?” He also quipped angrily that the cows work for “Sh*t-fil-A.”
The cows would not back down, as they have made a living over the years doing these promotions. It was difficult to tell who started the fight but before you could say, “I’ll take a combo meal,” a barnyard fracas broke out. Foghorn Leghorn began to strangle one of the cows, who attempted to fend him off by unfastening his cowbell and bashing the rooster in the face with it.
Roy, Booker and Sheldon triple teamed the second cow, beating him over the head with a napkin dispenser. Chanticleer and Chicken Little engaged the third cow allowing Gonzo the Great to slip away un-noticed. Just as the melee reached its zenith, a loud trumpet sounded which grabbed the attention of all the fighters. “Attention cud-munchers: prepare to die!”
The Great Gonzo had donned an Evel Kenival type stunt suit and stuffed himself into an oversized canon which was aimed at one of the cows. “Praise Allah, from where all justice is given!” Gonzo screamed as he lit the fuse. The canon eruppted in a deafening burst, sending the “weirdo” flying into the Cows at high speed. There was a silence that lasted for what seemed like an eternity. As the haze of white smoke lifted, it was clear that there would be casualties involved. Two of the Cows lay motionless, killed by the muppet projectile; the third was clearly maimed by the vicious beating he had suffered at the hands of the other chickens. The infamous fowls rallied around each other as they celebrated their victory.
“How do we like our cows?” Leghorn asked loudly. Still wiping the gristle and viscera from their feathers, the group bellowed in response, “Rare!”
So why did the chickens cross the line? Revenge.